Solving stress

It seems like most people with CFS are reluctant to believe that stress can be a factor in causing CFS - even I was reluctant to believe it, until I visited a psych.

The psych has helped me work on my anxiety, which he says was brought on by lots of stress and family deaths. Sessions with him revealed some great results: my energy levels have improved.

Even though it's clear from my normal doctor's work that my CFS has a biological cause, I think it's safe to say that there was an emotional factor as well - it's all linked, anyway.

Either way, I was open to what the psych had to say, and I think that's the key to getting past this CFS. Being stubborn won't get me anywhere.

Breathing exercises for anxiety

I've been umming and ahhing about whether I should reveal this: I visited a psych the other day.

When I visited the psych, I wasn't looking for answers to the cause of my CFS. I have issues with my divorced parents that haven't been resolved, and now that I'm not well, I've had too much time to dwell on it. So I figured, this is a better time than any to seek advice from someone who can be objective: a psych.

Anyway, he came to the conclusion that I'm not depressed, but my anxiety and stress levels are quite high. He said that the way people have responded to my CFS (negatively) has triggered feelings I felt when my dad left home. As a result, I'm getting stressed by these triggers.

The psych explained stress in biological terms: apparently, the ANS (autonomic nervous system) is constituted of the SNS (sympathetic nervous system) and the PNS (parasympathetic nervous system). When a person gets stressed by something, what kicks into gear is the SNS, which promotes a fight-or-flight response.

Basically, I'm constantly in flight-or-fight mode, which is really sapping my energy.

To get my SNS under control, the psych taught me some breathing exercises, because breathing is something that concerns both the SNS and PNS.

I have to breathe slowly and deeply, using my diaphragm more than usual. Once the breathing is regular, I have to think of a happy thought. I've tried the exercise a few times this week, and it's really helped, which is why I decided to post about it here.

On a side note: the exercise reminds me of the spell in Harry Potter called expecto patronum, where they have to think a happy thought!

Yum cha with some real friends!

I've been feeling poorly these past few days; I've been throwing up, so I haven't been eating much. But I dragged myself out today to go to lunch with some friends. We'd been planning to go to lunch for over a month now, and this lunch was unusual because everyone in the group was able to go.

I'm so glad I went to lunch. This group of friends always make it so worth-while; they've been so understanding about my CFS. It's amazing how much less stressful going out seems to be when people don't treat me like I'm malingering. I don't have to worry that I'm offending them if I look poorly, and I don't have to worry about them saying anything that I might find hurtful. They just accept that I have CFS and try to make everything as easy as possible for me.

For a while I've been quite miserable about losing half my friends, but my other friends really make up for it when I see them.

We went to yum cha, as usual! I couldn't eat anything because of my diet, but I was able to have some steamed rice and green tea. It's funny how most of my friends like yum cha; none of them are Asian, but we've always eaten Asian food: dumplings, yum cha and Japanese food. Funny, isn't it?

This is not good for my anxiety

I had the worst night ever.

A went out with his friends. I was doing all right at home until one of A's friends rang me to say that they lost him. I tried ringing A and I got no answer, so I rang his friend back, and someone different picked up and said they hadn't found him.

After that, every time I rang him or his friends I got no answer. I kept imagining the worst. Like he got mugged, or got so drunk he passed out somewhere without his friends noticing. Or he was picking someone up and his friends didn't want to be the ones to tell me. Or he hurt himself badly and his friends didn't want to tell me about it over the phone. And then I started thinking about how I would cope without him around.

I ended up getting three hours of sleep, and spent most of the night balling my eyes out. I woke up at 6.30 am and started balling again. All I could think about was how when A left, I didn't even look up from what I was doing.

I don't suppose any of his friends would understand why I felt as bad as I did. When you've never been this emotionally invested in someone before, it's difficult to understand. A isn't just my boyfriend, he's my best friend, and my carer. Most of all, he's my family.

After all that it was just a stupid reason that he got lost, and none of his friends even bothered ringing me back to tell me they'd found him.

I have a 21st to go to tonight. I've been saving up my energy all week to go to it, and now I don't know if I'll even be able to go because I got so little sleep last night and my body's drained from being both miserable and stressed.

Tips: Anxiety

Anxiety is still a major problem that I'm having, but I'm working on it.

I find aromatherapy helps a lot.

I have a few bottles of essential oils that I use. I think the smell of lavender is very relaxing. Rose really helps if I'm feeling a bit angry. And I have a mixed bottle "for anxiety" that contains lavender, bergamot, ylang ylang and lime.

Every so often, it's nice to find a quiet room, get comfortable and dabble a small amount oil onto my wrists and temples, and just close my eyes.

Sometimes, I dabble some oil onto my wrists when I'm going out. So, if I start getting a bit anxious or panicky when I'm out, I can give my wrists a quick whiff, and the smell brings me back to that quiet room.

It's not a cure for anxiety, but I think it does help. At the very least, the oils have a pleasant smell.

There are still good people out there!

Yesterday, one of my friends (we'll call him "J") offered to come over and cook me dinner when he found out I was home alone.

It helped so much. I really needed a good experience like this. Another of my friends said a lot of people with CFS develop agoraphobia (fear of social situations), and I think I was developing it.

I'll just have to take care choosing my social events. Hopefully I'll get a good run of positive social experiences. Then, it'll be easier to deal with A's parents.

I'm so thankful I have a friend like J. He was so patient when I was getting anxious about nothing. He even said if I changed my mind and I wouldn't like to see anyone, I could just message him.

One thing that's good about this stupid illness is that it's making it easier to see who my real friends are.

Shit day (I know, such an original title for a chronic fatigue blog!)

OK, so today was pretty shit. Last night I couldn't sleep until 3.30 am because it was so cold. When I did fall asleep, I coughed myself awake again.

Usually, I'm groggy in the morning, but today it lasted the entire day. My whole body has been aching, and fatigue is so bad that I feel like I have muscles made of lead.

But the thing that really set me off was a Facebook message I got from one of my cousins. She said "I hope this email finds you better if not already well :)", which is relatively a harmless statement. But I just can't get over how many messages I've gotten lately that are along the lines of "So, I take it you're better now."

I just feel like it's really rude to not have spoken to someone for ages, and then only contact them because they have something you want. You might think I'm being negative, but this is about the only outside contact I've had with anyone for a while.

Partly, it's my fault. I developed anxiety issues that my doctor isn't helping me with, and the only solution I can find is to just take a break from visitors...

And I guess, I was just surprised at how easy it was to just disappear. I mean, my friends have been supportive about this whole thing. But at the same time, I feel as though they've been supportive from quite a distance.

And then I realised, maybe we weren't ever that close after all.

I have a lot of problems to fix.