I found this CFS article last night when I couldn't sleep and started browsing the net on my mobile phone:
http://blogs.news.com.au/heraldsun/robynriley/index.php/heraldsun/comments/cruelty_of_chronic_fatigue/desc/
It's probably the best CFS article I've read. Whoever wrote it described it so accurately.
Definately worth a read if you have time.
Friday, 23 May 2008
Thursday, 22 May 2008
Shit day (I know, such an original title for a chronic fatigue blog!)
OK, so today was pretty shit. Last night I couldn't sleep until 3.30 am because it was so cold. When I did fall asleep, I coughed myself awake again.
Usually, I'm groggy in the morning, but today it lasted the entire day. My whole body has been aching, and fatigue is so bad that I feel like I have muscles made of lead.
But the thing that really set me off was a Facebook message I got from one of my cousins. She said "I hope this email finds you better if not already well :)", which is relatively a harmless statement. But I just can't get over how many messages I've gotten lately that are along the lines of "So, I take it you're better now."
I just feel like it's really rude to not have spoken to someone for ages, and then only contact them because they have something you want. You might think I'm being negative, but this is about the only outside contact I've had with anyone for a while.
Partly, it's my fault. I developed anxiety issues that my doctor isn't helping me with, and the only solution I can find is to just take a break from visitors...
And I guess, I was just surprised at how easy it was to just disappear. I mean, my friends have been supportive about this whole thing. But at the same time, I feel as though they've been supportive from quite a distance.
And then I realised, maybe we weren't ever that close after all.
I have a lot of problems to fix.
Usually, I'm groggy in the morning, but today it lasted the entire day. My whole body has been aching, and fatigue is so bad that I feel like I have muscles made of lead.
But the thing that really set me off was a Facebook message I got from one of my cousins. She said "I hope this email finds you better if not already well :)", which is relatively a harmless statement. But I just can't get over how many messages I've gotten lately that are along the lines of "So, I take it you're better now."
I just feel like it's really rude to not have spoken to someone for ages, and then only contact them because they have something you want. You might think I'm being negative, but this is about the only outside contact I've had with anyone for a while.
Partly, it's my fault. I developed anxiety issues that my doctor isn't helping me with, and the only solution I can find is to just take a break from visitors...
And I guess, I was just surprised at how easy it was to just disappear. I mean, my friends have been supportive about this whole thing. But at the same time, I feel as though they've been supportive from quite a distance.
And then I realised, maybe we weren't ever that close after all.
I have a lot of problems to fix.
Let's start over
I've been inspired to give this blog a proper go. I'm going to try writing in it daily. I hope it'll help both you and me understand the illness better.
A lot has happened since my last post in November. I got a cat.
This might sound like trivial news, but I can't express just how un-trivial it is. My cat helped me when no-one else could. Animals don't judge, and they're always around when you need them.
I got upset when some people told me to stop talking about my cat. No-one -- apart from my boyfriend and carer whom we will call "A" -- knew how depressed I got. I cried all day, every day; about nothing, and everything. I felt completely out of control, I couldn't see myself ever recovering from CFS, and nobody was helping me. My cat pulled me out of a hole that was getting very deep and very dark. And I don't think anyone else could have done it. And yet, people were telling me to stop being so happy about my cat. How could I, when I had nothing else to be happy about?
I don't believe antidepressants have improved my situation. Mainly because I wasn't depressed when I got chronic fatigue. To me, that means depression wasn't the cause of my chronic fatigue. And how can you treat something without targetting the cause? It's all a bit hit and miss to me. In any case, I only started to improve when my cat, "M", got here.
A lot has happened since my last post in November. I got a cat.
This might sound like trivial news, but I can't express just how un-trivial it is. My cat helped me when no-one else could. Animals don't judge, and they're always around when you need them.
I got upset when some people told me to stop talking about my cat. No-one -- apart from my boyfriend and carer whom we will call "A" -- knew how depressed I got. I cried all day, every day; about nothing, and everything. I felt completely out of control, I couldn't see myself ever recovering from CFS, and nobody was helping me. My cat pulled me out of a hole that was getting very deep and very dark. And I don't think anyone else could have done it. And yet, people were telling me to stop being so happy about my cat. How could I, when I had nothing else to be happy about?
I don't believe antidepressants have improved my situation. Mainly because I wasn't depressed when I got chronic fatigue. To me, that means depression wasn't the cause of my chronic fatigue. And how can you treat something without targetting the cause? It's all a bit hit and miss to me. In any case, I only started to improve when my cat, "M", got here.
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