Friday, 16 October 2009

To tell or not to tell?

Life is generally beautiful. I'm recovering, I think.

There are two mini-challenges facing me now. The first is knowing how far I can push myself. The second is knowing whether or not to tell my new friends about my health.

Because I can more or less do everything a "normal" person can now, generally I can get by without having to say anything about CFS.

But being the idiot that I am, I joined an outdoor club recently. I've made a lot of new friends, but being an outdoor club means its activities demand a reasonable level of fitness.

This means I don't always perform as well as the others, and I can lag behind on walks. I think this is reasonable given that not very long ago I could barely walk from my bed to the toilet. But how do I explain that to people who ask why I'm not walking faster? And is it appropriate to explain?

I'm reluctant to mention "chronic" and "fatigue" in one sentence. There's just too much judgement associated with the illness. People might ask, is she really sick? Or is she just making it up? I find it far easier to say that I don't want to get into the details, but essentially I was very sick for two years and basically bedridden almost the entire time.

Really, I wish I didn't have to explain. But I suppose it's just part of the recovery process. Perhaps if I continue to look after myself and heed my doctor's advice, a day will come when I won't have anything to explain.